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Topic: Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes
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Funny and humorous quotes can make ur day much simpler by just reading them in ur head :D



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A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.
Henry Ward Beecher


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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright


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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner

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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby

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Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey

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A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw

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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Steve Martin

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Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West

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When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

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Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain

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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White


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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx


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Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr


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I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra


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All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
Casey Stengel


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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck


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As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett


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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld


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I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers


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Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard


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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain


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A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
Claude Pepper


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A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
Yogi Berra


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Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin


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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield


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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
H. L. Mencken


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A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
Don Marquis


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Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Laurence J. Peter


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Wow, this topic is full of humorous quote!

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ravinm wrote:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield


 I love this quote hahaha, it's hilarious!



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As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
Tracey Ullman


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I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.
Walt Whitman


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this made me laugh too sahawat i guess we get very simlar jokes haahhaaha



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ravinm wrote:

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner


 Hahaha, this is funny. Where did you find such quote? Kindda true actually. But, for me, I think woman nowadays have to be independent(most of time).



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ravinm wrote:

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner


 55555555555+ I like this one's ending :D A successful woman is one who can find such a man.!!



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ravinm wrote:

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
Yogi Berra


 hahahahahah very very truee



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yes satrting a day with a good humurous quote is very goood

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